Feedback Thoughts

Receiving feedback in a virtual realm can be deciphered differently because the receiver cannot observe the non-verbal cues the sender is expressing, so the receiver’s best choice is to guess. I had completed a Business Communications class last semester, and learned about feedback that is given to a person in a face-to-face situation. I think the guidelines for a feedback received in a face-to-face encounter can also be applied online. I have notes on that lesson, and I would like to share them here.

DISCLAIMER: The numbered guidelines are verbatim, while the “explanations” are my thoughts related to receiving feedback online.

Guidelines for Receiving Feedback

1. Understand What Was Said

Read the feedback several times before reacting to it. If the feedback sounds offensive, take a 10-minute break and come back after calming yourself. Read it again, and if your feelings do not waver, sleep it through. Read it with fresh eyes the next day. If your feelings still do not waver, ask for clarifications.

2. Be Open Rather Than Defensive

Sometimes feedbacks are based on the other person’s experiences, and the verdict might seem harsh but that’s a piece of their own truth. We have different experiences and reacts to them in different ways. So,  instead of trying to prove that your experience is more cruel or more benevolent than others, try putting yourself in the feedback sender’s shoes. Read the feedback on their perspective. The differences and nuances of your conflicting opinions/experiences will surprise you.

3. Separate Yourself from Your Behavior

How do you see yourself upon reading the feedback the first time? What emotions did you feel? Then, look into a mirror, who do you see? Is the problem with the feedback sender, or is the problem with you? If the sender gave you another feedback that expresses the same negative energy, then politely ask them to assess themselves. If your reaction is the cause of the commotion, adjust how you interact with them.

4. Check the “Fit”

Think of this guideline as if you are able to do astral projection. Look into yourself. Did you need to adjust your behavior? If so, did you see positive results? If not, did the feedback sender accepted your analysis/feedback to them? Continue to adjust your behavior based on the feedbacks you receive, and you will learn that this guideline encompasses the Growth Mindset Theory.

Also, please avoid using the preposition "but" because it erases the positive things that you have just said. For example,

Your story is nice, but. . .

or No offense, but . . .